There is a pilgrimage that all people new to Hong Kong make within the first week of relocating. If it’s done well, this pilgrimage may never have to happen again. If it is done badly, the pilgrimage will occur weekly for the first month. For those that see it as truly a religious experience, they will make rather flimsy excuses to undertake the pilgrimage on a more regular basis.

After one year here, I now need to make this pilgrimage again and I’m not looking forward to it.

It is a trip that needs to be planned appropriately. Comfortable clothing and shoes, not too warm and not too cold, some food for the journey and enough time allocated to do it properly and make sure that there is no need to return for another long period of time.

I’ve written a brief list and I’m due to go next Saturday. Saturday is better than Sunday because Sunday is ‘maids day off’ and all the amahs of HK tend to transcend on HK Island and it can be difficult to get around some areas just due to the number of people congregating together. Normally I enjoy listening to them singing gospel songs, selling unusual knick-knacks and watching them play cards. When I’m on this pilgrimage however, I just want it to be over with as soon as possible.

Everyone will know I’ve been on the pilgrimage when I go to catch the ferry home and they will look at me with an expression of sympathy and understanding as well as relief that it is not them ‘new to HK’ and having to settle in. The really observant ones will know that it is not my first time just by the shear lack of baggage with me and they will look at me similarly but with a touch of ‘I’m sorry that you had to go through that experience again’. I know because I’ve given people these looks too.

At least this time I really only need to go for five minutes. I know where I’m going because the signage is nothing short of brilliant. It induces me into a meditative state going around and around in circles until I find what I’m looking for. It’s the meandering crowds in the cramped space that I don’t really enjoy. That and the objects that I don’t really need / want that seem to jump out at me almost begging me to take them home. It is difficult for me to resist. I find that I suddenly need it all. Really, really badly. This is why the list is important.

My first trip there I was trapped for two hours. After that, everything was sorted including a ‘marriage saver’ – a group of people who come and put everything together with their own allan keys and drills and no instructions.

I need a curtain rod.

I’m going back to Ikea.

* Thanks to INXS for the title to this post (that’s with Michael Hutchence, not the upstart)