I saw my first nude fake bum at Shenzhen.

It was a shopping trip a couple of years ago when hanging from the top of a window display, a strange piece of apparel caught my eye. It looked like a pair of skin-coloured underpants made for the elderly but with an obvious difference – padding in the butt area. A number of stores sold these garments which come in a range of colours and amounts and shapes of padding.

Living in Darlinghurst for a number of years, I’ve seen my share of fake butts but they have always been hidden under some rather elaborate outfits and are more abundant around Mardi Gras time. They were also predominantly worn by men.

My first inkling that a woman was faking it was in Discovery Bay last year. A fashionable woman (we had previously dubbed her ‘Juicy Couture’) who we see fairly regularly was wearing a tight skirt. As she walked the skirt bunched in an unusual way on the sides. That’s when I noticed. Her butt wasn’t moving, it had an unusual shape and there was padding for butt cheeks.

As far as I am aware, I have been on a fake butt drought from that time until last week. Walking into work, I noticed the same thing on another woman. – tight skirt, bunching irregularly and immovable, slightly rectangular butt cheeks. The shape indicated that she too was faking it.

I’m not sure why these women chose to fake it. Given the time of year, it would have been quite warm carrying around extra padding. It would add to the comfort levels if needing to sit on a hard or cold surface but beyond that, it seems to be more of a hindrance than anything else.

Many would be familiar with the saying “you can’t trust a guy with no butt” which clearly explains why these men would fake it, but the women…

* Thanks to Sir Mix-A-Lot for the title to this post. Gives me flashbacks to my uni days and singing (I mean that in the broadest possible sense of the word) this tune with one of the Best Women (who’s birthday it was last week – Happy Birthday!).