It’s been a massive week for one of my nieces; turning eighteen, graduating from high school and going to her school formal.

Not surprisingly, this reminded me of all those milestones, albeit mine were a little more spread out. I can vividly recall my formal dress, those of my friends and the fun we had that evening. My eighteenth birthday was almost a year later. That night, I can’t recall so much…

Here’s some of what I’ve learned in the intervening years, in no particular order. These are things that I think about from time to time to help keep myself on track with things:

• Fun. It can be had anywhere, anytime with anything, alone or with others. A serious occasion doesn’t mean I have to be serious. In fact, that’s generally a good opportunity to have a bit of fun. Unless there’s Fun Police. They put in an appearance from time to time. They have a tendency to show up at meetings where there’s a CEO involved though I haven’t had that happen as yet. 
• Happiness. This is all up to me. Sometimes things are less than ordinary, sometimes things are terribly pear-shaped, these times, I can be down for a bit but know that it won’t be forever and happiness will be there again as soon as I remember to notice the little things. Little things like purple flowers (that’s a reference from The Color Purple which is a great book in so many ways), frangipanis, nature itself, and even bigger things like family and friends.
• Coffee. Always drink good coffee. At the most, two cups a day though a single one at around 10am is preferable during a work day. The only excuse for drinking instant is when I’m camping. There is never an excuse for Starbucks. I can always go without.
• Alone. This doesn’t mean lonely. Time by myself is crucial especially given how much time I spend with people which, while generally energising, sometimes I’ve had enough. There’s nothing wrong with having time by myself. It’s a great time to think, plan and be creative. Alone and lonely are not the same.
• Friends. These will come and go. Some will be there for particular periods of my life and others will be around indefinitely. They’re both good to have for the time they are there. True friends though are the ones that seem to miraculously know when you’re sick and will bring around food even if you say no, they’ll message / phone / turn up just when you really need to see them (even if you think you don’t), they may not remember all the special occasions but they do everything that is important. They contact out of the blue just to see how I’m going. What’s really impressive is they’ll forgive me when you miss something of theirs that would have been better that I hadn’t. They will let me know though and will tell it as they see it. That friends are family not tied to me by blood is something  that does seem to be the case. I am thankful for every single one of them. I can be slack at letting them know.
• Family. This is the group that no matter what I say or do, will generally love me regardless. There are exceptions or perhaps they are people that are not quite as demonstrative which, I have to acknowledge, I fall into that category myself so perhaps it’s hereditary. There are people that I’m closer to than others due to similar interests, experiences, views and others that I have very little in common with. The great thing is, they are all there for me and I am for them. That’s pretty cool. 
• Love. Ahhh, so good when you’re in it though it can be a bit tough too. It is not a snapshot in time. It is ongoing and something to be nurtured. If not, it goes. Try not to be in something one-sided and if I find myself in this situation, think about next steps and put that into action since one-sided love is pointless, a waste of energy and boring for anyone else around. Love at first sight seems a bit unrealistic since I think it also depends on how well I know someone. Lust at first sight on the other hand, for sure that exists!
• Honesty. My word is my bond. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. Unless I forget (see Friends for what I expect will then happen). Sometimes it’s necessary to package honesty in a nice way depending on culture, feedback and timing, so always be sensitive.
• Truth. Similar to honesty. Always tell the truth as this builds and keeps trust. If people can’t believe what I say, it is not reasonable to expect to have anything more than a superficial relationship. This applies to friends, colleagues, lovers (lend me your ears… sorry, I digress, but that does sound like a good start for a speech…) Again, be sensitive.
• Time. Sometimes there seems like there is a lot. This is not quite true. We all have a limited time and no-one knows really how long they have. Though I know I’m going to live until I’m 104, that will not stop me from living like I may not. I don’t want to reach 104 and have missed doing things that I really want to do as there is a lot to fit in. It also means that other peoples’ time is limited so use theirs wisely. Be prepared for meetings, on time for reservations, have meaningful conversations with your friends and family because everyone’s time is precious. Don’t ever be late for anyone. Your time is not more important than anyone’s and their time isn’t more important than mine. Plan accordingly. It’s not that hard. Time will always be found for whatever is important. If not, that’s a prioritising issue, not a time one.
• Chat. Each day, make sure I have a conversation with at least one person. It can be easy to be sucked into not speaking with anyone and not leaving the house in this day and age. When this happens, shower, get dressed and get out. Chat with someone walking their dog, at a coffee shop, at the bank counter. Just do it as it will help keep me sane. This is a rule I have for myself. Could be a challenge in Japan before I learn the language so I may need to adapt it somewhat to being able to use the international language of charades for the chat.
• Plan. This is a tricky one if considering more than a dinner reservation. Always have a long, medium and short-term goal yet be flexible. Sometimes there will be opportunities that arise that don’t neatly fit a plan but do fit with a greater philosophy that I hold. Take that opportunity. That will always outweigh any goal. A goal can be achieved later, living true to my philosophy should be constant. This is partly why I’m going to Japan.
• Questions. I already know myself, so I shut up. Hear what others have to say. My opinion may change, they may teach me something. It is also a great way to start and continue conversations, though remember to give something in return at some point. It’s not meant to be one-sided.
• Listen. No point in asking questions if I’m only hearing the answers. Pay attention so you remember them. Paraphrase, clarify, understand. Seek to really know someone rather than just superficially. 
• Travel. As much as possible and as far as possible. Travel with friends, travel alone. I learn different things doing it either way. Go budget while young to stretch my dollar further and see more. Creature comforts are less important. When older, sure, spend a little extra, stay somewhere nicer but make sure to still talk with the locals and people that don’t stay in my hotel. By and large, most people are friendly. Be friendly too, be cautious as well, especially as a single female traveller. Though this is where I’ve had a really good time, people are curious and generally want to chat. Having pink hair is a great conversation starter in any language. Even ones I don’t understand.
• Read. Every day, read. Read fiction, non-fiction, trash and literature. Women’s magazines are fine for at the hairdresser because everyone else will keep you up to date with whatever else is going on in celebrity land if I’m interested. Use that time to read something else.
• Move. Every day, move. Rolling over doesn’t count. Moving is walking, running or similar for at least 30 minutes. Having a dog helps as they love it and the look on their face when you sit down before taking them out, ideally for even longer, can’t be resisted.
• Sing and dance. Don’t stop, even though I’m really bad (this is not false modesty, my cat always covered his ears, my dog covers her eyes). Karaoke is permission to be silly and no-one is allowed to take photos or video. Dancing can be done either at home or at various venues where everyone is having a good time and no-one cares what anyone else is doing. Singing and dancing is a mood enhancer. Turn the music up and no-one can hear you sing… shut the curtains if needed as the sober world doesn’t need to see me dance.
• Financial freedom. Never be in a financial situation that means I am stuck in my job. To not feel trapped and choose where I want to work based on the role, company and people is a very good and fortunate position to be in. Retain this.
• Eat well. Generally be healthy as there’s no need to be pedantic unless I develop a sudden allergy. Desserts are a great way to finish a meal. 
• Trust. This is tough especially once hurt. Depending on what happened, it’s fine to not trust that person again but it is not fine to not trust anyone again. That is irrational. Everyone is not the same and all because one person became untrustworthy doesn’t mean everyone else is too. Yes, we will all be hurt more than once. This is not an excuse either because I never know who that person may be that does hurt me. 
• Break up nicely. No, “it’s not you, it’s me” speeches. If something isn’t working, call it off as soon as possible and be polite about it. I will hurt others and others will hurt me. Treat everyone how I would like to be treated. There is no such thing as opportunity cost in relationships. Time invested is no reason to stay in one that is not working. It takes two people to make a relationship work and if only one of you is making an effort, that is a sign to say something. If things don’t change, break up as nicely as possible. 
• Dignity. Never, ever, ever beg to be taken back. I am worth more than that. I may be tempted to do this if someone breaks up with me. Don’t. This is also irrational. It is bad for my self-esteem, especially if I’m rejected again, and if they’ve already said goodbye, I’m prolonging my own agony. Moving on is tough and it is always possible. I’ve made this mistake once many, many years ago now. I’m pleased I’ve remembered that lesson. Painful one to learn, though worth it.
• Control. As soon as a significant other starts to control or exert control on something that only impacts me and not them, that’s not a good sign and I should react accordingly and early. No need to wait on this one.  This is not a person that I want in my life. I am fortunate that I have never had a manager that behaved like this. Flip side of this is I will never control anyone either and shouldn’t try. If there’s a need for control, something is wrong. Time to go.
• Choices. There is nothing wrong with changing my mind. I can change it at the drop of a hat, I can change it when I’m halfway through something, I can change it at the end. There is nothing stopping me except I need to be sensitive to anybody else that might be impacted by my decision. There are so many choices to make in a day, so a lifetime has a ridiculous amount. Limit the amount of choices needed before work by having clothes ready etc the night before. This saves energy in the following day and gives time to focus on the important decisions.
• Creativity. Include an opportunity for creativity every day. This is where I get a lot of energy. It can be at work or at home, it can be while I’m out jogging with the dog. Just have it. 
• Career. Not many people know exactly what they want to do when they leave school or uni and those that do also tend to change careers throughout their lives. As Sheryl Sandberg has said, “a career is not a ladder, it is more like a jungle gym.” Climb all over it, do some spins and see who joins you on it. I can even hop off this jungle gym and hop onto another one. 
• Change. Embrace it. It happens all the time. Fighting it is silly partly because fighting is tiring but it’s also pointless, it will get me no-where since the change is going to happen whether I like it or not. Find the fun in it because there’s always fun in change. Jump on and enjoy. Take others on the ride too as it’s more fun with more joining in.
• Laugh. Do this all the time and even at silly things. Doesn’t matter if no-one else thinks it’s funny, it’s not about them. It’s about me finding it funny. Having the ability to laugh at my own jokes, means I can always have a good time. When my friends don’t join in, I see it as a shortfall in their humour 😉 
• Save / Invest. Use the beauty of compound interest, diversification and any other relevant tool to save / invest as much as I can for as long as I can. Understand money and how it works. I can already spend, no lessons required.
• Unique. I am not the same as anyone else and the weird part is, no-one else is the same as anyone else either. I do a good job of being me and would do a lousy job of being anyone else. If someone doesn’t like me as me, too bad. That is their loss. There is no need for me to change to keep someone else happy. Please shut the door on the way out… For those that stay, respect that none of us are the same, that’s actually what is so good. It gives differences of opinion and views and an opportunity to learn. It’s also fun.
• Rebel. Take this key phrase your most parents say to heart: “If so-and-so jumped in the fire / out the window, would you jump in after them?” While I think this message is meant to encourage you to not follow your friends in doing something your parents don’t approve of, take it to mean that you’re free to do anything, walk your own path, no need to do something just because that’s what everyone expects. This applies to career moves, job opportunities, university courses, people you want to hang out with, people you want to sleep with, places you want to travel to and how long you’d like to stay there, causes you would like to support etc. You get the idea.
• Courage. The answer really is ‘no’ unless you ask; the answer may still be no then but you could also end up with a free upgrade on a flight, a significant other, a promotion or a pay rise. In two of these examples, prepare your case. The other two, wing it. Choose which two carefully.
• Decisions. There’s numerous ways to do most things; just avoid the illegal ones, especially if in a foreign country.
• Help. Offer help whenever I can. It can be to friends, family, charity, colleagues. Not necessarily financial, it can be skills based or time too. Ask for it when needed too.
• Opinions. Make sure I’m always educated with any opinion that is coming out of my mouth or fingers. If not, shut up. Don’t make opinion masquerade as fact. Opinion should be supported by facts. Facts are something that can be proved as true or false. If not, it is an opinion or a guess. Know which I’m stating and the purpose for stating it that way. 
• Learn. It never stops and this is fantastic. To have access to formal learning is great but the informal learning from books, friends, colleagues and family is even better. Peoples’ stories, whether I’ve heard them through travel, chatting with family on the phone or in books, it helps me with new perspectives and ways to better live my life and do my job.
• Regret. I’m a big believer in living life so I don’t have any. Sure, there’s been things that haven’t gone as well as I would have hoped at the time but I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t made those choices and I’m pretty happy with who I am. 
• Dive. This is my only regret. I’d learn to dive as soon as possible. There is nothing I have found that is quite so free and like being in outer-space as diving. Not only am I suspended in 3D, the underwater beauty reminds me of how big the planet is and my small part on it. The degradation of the environment there reminds me that while I may be small on it, I can have a big impact.

* Thanks to Headless Chickens for the title to this post. This was one of my favourites while at uni. I had no idea they were from New Zealand until now!