I thought it was because I’m in denial. It’s not.

I thought it was because I’m trying to balance this with my studies. It’s not.

I’ve progressed with putting my flat on the rental market, having it painted, looking into the quarantine and injection bits and pieces for my dog, removalist quotes and visa arrangements. When I write that, it sounds like quite a bit. It’s not.

I’m finding it difficult to acknowledge that a lot of the things on my #hkbucketlist2015 is the last time I’m going to be doing / seeing them for quite a while. That is actually why they’re on the list in the first place. They are things I’ve mostly done before or places I’ve been to that I want to experience again so they are fresh in my mind. They are things I’ve enjoyed and with people that are important to me. And also my dog.

The part that I haven’t really acknowledged properly is the people part.

While it is true that I will see a lot of these people again, the reality is, I won’t be seeing them as often and by default, they won’t be able to be as big a part of my life as what they are currently. There will be no Sunday afternoon drop-ins, brunches, late nights out and dinners, chats about all sorts of things and the hard time I’m given about the way I think about things (I like to think this is all done in fun!). This will all be done at a distance and not quite so spontaneous.

I will miss this.

I am very fortunate in that I have a great group of friends here, spread all over HK and involved in various aspects of my life and while I know I will make others, that doesn’t make this part of relocating any easier. My first friend that I made here is still here. I have our dogs to thank for that introduction. 

I will have been in HK for nine years by the time I leave. 

This is one year less than the longest time I’ve spent in Sydney, one year less than the time I’ve spent on the Gold Coast. This makes it the third longest time I’ve spent in any location.

Finally I know where to shop for the products I like, where the best deals are for whatever it is I happen to want, what side of the street to walk on, how to dodge mobile phone wielding meandering walkers who suddenly stop, where to stand on the escalator, how to navigate the bureaucracy without becoming frustrated, how to bargain and when to walk away to name a few initially tricky challenges. 

I will now be starting again.

Over this time, I’ve said goodbye and see you later to numerous people. It always hurts and it is yet to get any easier. I can joke about it, I can genuinely mean that I will see these people again and quite often I do, but it is still difficult. I can even see the positive side as it helps their careers or they’re returning to their home countries and families and my network of friends spreads further. I like to focus on this. 

It is still difficult.

Yesterday I was spending some time in Cheng Chau as part of my #hkbucketlist2015 when one friend asked when I was leaving. Turned out the date I was thinking of (I only thought of it the day prior) didn’t suit her as she was traveling back from Christmas holidays that day and didn’t want to be saying goodbye to me in December if I was going to be leaving in January.

The thing is, I don’t want to be saying goodbye at all.

I have put no thought into a farewell beyond leaving drinks at work. I don’t know if I want to have a small get together or a large one. It’s tricky because at a large one, I won’t be able to spend much time with everyone and a small one, everyone won’t be there.

I also don’t want to make a big deal out of leaving.

Then it really will be real.

As I write this, I’m now thinking that I will probably just catch up with various small groups of people while I’m going through my #hkbucketlist2015. 

I’m finding this to be an introspective time. 

Since I’m known for focusing on the positive, I figured I should share the flip side of what goes on at times in my mind. It doesn’t happen often and I’ll be out of thinking like this pretty quickly too but I’m a big believer in acknowledging all of it. It’s just not often I tend to share it.

There are a billion positives in my moving to Japan but the actual saying goodbye part, is not one of them.

I’m going to stick with “see you later”.

* Thanks to The Rembrandts for the title to this post and here’s the original video. It’s good for a bit of a giggle (it’s four claps…)