Q – When is a restaurant not a restaurant?

A – When it is the Robot Restaurant.

Click the above link for a video after you’ve finished reading.

Downtown Shinjuku hosts the misnamed venue in one of it’s many, many lanes. To be fair, for the price of JYP8,000, a bento box was included in the price for the show. Not any more and the show cost hasn’t decreased. Instead, they have opened a nearby cafe.

So what do you get?

Probably one of the most surreal experiences around. In a city full of the unusual, this one is definitely up there. I went a week ago and I’m still trying to work out what I actually thought of it, aside from bizarre.

Four shows per night over roughly an hour. You need to be there at least 15 minutes before your reservation as firstly, you cross the lane from the restaurant to check-in, pay and collect your tickets. Back to the other side so you can sit on the legs of one of two robots for your photo (should you choose) and then into the venue itself.

Up a couple of narrow flights of stairs, surrounded on each side with either mirrors, coloured flashing tiles, mosaics on the walls, with stuffed toys and sculptures adding an additional dimension. The stairs themselves are lit and alternate various patterns, stories and bright lights. Neon shines from everywhere. The ceilings weren’t left unadorned either.

Music blares, synthesisers and drums compete for auditory domination. Neither win.

Upstairs is the waiting room. A cross between Austin Powers’ lounge and a Las Vegas nightclub packed with other tourists. The show is popular however it may become less so now that food served by robots isn’t included. On stage are two people dressed remarkably like Daft Punk. One plays the saxophone, the other, an electronic guitar. With some thought, it is possible to discern various tunes from the eighties.

We are then told to go two flights downstairs. On masse, the crowd moves. Going down is harder than going up flashing stairs with electronic fish swimming through them, lizards climbing walls, a sequinned scull with daggers glinting through its head staring through non-existent eyes, it’s difficult to judge the depth of each stair.

I’m not sure understanding is the goal

Arriving at the bottom onto a plain concrete floor, the eyes are temporarily relieved. We are greeted by a stretch of concrete about 10 metres wide and possibly 70 metres long. Opposite to the curtains we have just walked through, are more curtains. Just in front of those, on a stage, are three sets of three drums, also tiered. Either side of the floor is tiered movie style seating, three rows. The old fashioned, vinyl kind of seating. On the floor in the middle, popcorn, chips and drinks are being sold. This is the only sustenance for the show and through the various acts, these carts are set up.

We have front row seating and are hoping there is no crowd participation required.

Told to take our seats, the popcorn and drink carts leave and the drum stage moves forward and turns around when it reaches the entrance. Another drum set takes its place at the far end. People come out in red and white costumes and take their places on the each set. The beating begins.

No robots just yet.

Out of both ends of the runway various floats appear and a parade starts. These floats sometimes have people on them singing and playing instruments, sometimes they are just colourful constructions of some random things like a sushi man or a unicorn. There doesn’t appear to be a link.

Act one finishes and the popcorn and drinks come back out.

Over the course of the various acts, one made sense, in a very loose way. It was a story of the creatures of the sea and forest being overtaken by robots and how they finally triumphed. Kung Fu Panda make an appearance to take down the robots as well as a large green furry monkey being carried in by a vicious looking butterfly hanging from the ceiling, shooting fire from its mouth. This didn’t kill that particular robot. They finally triumphed with what I think was a Tyrannosaurus Rex, eating the person that controlled a robot which resembled a massive cat fused with a dirt mover – all black with the occasional bright purple neon highlight.

There’s a drum set on top

Somewhere in all of this was a Michael Jackson tribute with dancers all in black, neon lights covering their bodies which they could turn on, flash, pulse and change colour as required. They had lasers coming out the fingers on their gloves.

The show culminated in a display of robots roughly 4 metres tall, dancing, while people dressed as various circus creatures and people moved around, before being joined by a large scale Pinocchio with a glowing head and some other characters.

Lights came on, we were asked to leave and the television screen walls behind us showed robots leaving the same seats we were in as the next show was due to start.

We tried to describe it and the best we came up with was a cross between a 1990s style school Rock Eisteddfod  (these photos are scarily similar to the ones on that link!) and a very weird LSD experience.

Confused, we left the theatre to find some dinner.

Now that was excellent.

* Thanks to Styx for the title to this post.