Our lockdown has been extended again. Our new last date is Monday 4 May. I’m not getting my hopes up since we’ve had a few extensions already.

What this means on a more personal level though is I can’t ignore my albino gorilla legs any longer. Even with shampooing.

It’s still shorts and skirts weather so I’m confronted with my carpet legs every day and while this level of growth seems to be effective at keeping the mosquitoes from biting my legs, it is not something I could ignore for too much longer.

I don’t find it aesthetically pleasing and miss the smoothness of newly removed hair.

I’m not keen to shave as that takes forever and I’d likely need about a billion blades for each leg. This is one of the reasons I like waxing – it’s fairly quick, relatively pain free and it doesn’t have to be done very often especially after having done it for most of my life.

I have just been introduced to a magic cream.

It’s magic because it gets rid of hair with absolutely no pain though a ridiculous amount of time is required when hair is at the length of an old growth forest.

First step is to evenly spread this magic cream all over the leg hair so it’s fully covered. Then observe how hairy you really are and perhaps make a few interesting patterns as you smooth it all out like you’re icing a leg cake. I’m sure that kind of cake would appeal to some people.

Second step is to wait about 8 minutes or so depending on how tough the hair is likely to be. My hair is more determined than I am so I wait a little longer.

Third step, take the small spatula that comes with the magic cream and run it up your legs repeatedly. This removes the cream and some of the hair. Best to wipe it all on a towel or similar rather than doing this in the shower as you may clog the drain.

Fourth step, hop in a cold shower and gently rub the remainder of the hair off as well as any leftover cream. Take the spatula and use that quite a few times over the same spot too to try to get all those ultra-determined ones out.

Fifth step, réalisé they aren’t all going to go out and call it a day. There needs to be water for others in the country to shower too.

Sixth step, throughout the day, look down at the hairy patches remaining and try to pull the hair out. It is now more willing to leave its home. Be sure to throw this in the bin otherwise you’ll end up with a house full of hair. That’s just disgusting.

Seventh step, after the day is finished and it’s time to shower before bed, the rest of the hair will come out through normal washing.

Eighth step, marvel at how smooth your legs really are and that it’s been so long since they’ve felt like this.

Total time taken was about 46 hours Lockdown Time.

The buggers have already started growing back and this time, they are prickly!

Cheeky things… maybe now I need to use conditioner…